Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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