The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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