At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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