Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
