Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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