I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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