you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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