you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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