Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
