I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
