Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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