a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
