i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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