Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
