i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
