at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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