I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
