you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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