I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
