She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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