I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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