My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
