Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
