I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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