I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
