Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
