so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
