I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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