so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"