Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me