Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
