Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.

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  (828): if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now. http://tfl.nu/f98q
  Replies (14) Good night (2167) Bad night (1349)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.

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  (843): I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier. http://tfl.nu/n87w
  Replies (5) Good night (3689) Bad night (999)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  How did you make it to work sans hangover?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols

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  (660): How did you make it to work sans hangover? (816): 4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols http://tfl.nu/2csk
  Replies (8) Good night (2027) Bad night (1141)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food

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  (978): i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food http://tfl.nu/q8kr
  Replies (7) Good night (1144) Bad night (1457)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.

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  (248): We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh. http://tfl.nu/c1tt
  Replies (7) Good night (1460) Bad night (629)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.

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  (201): This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw. http://tfl.nu/lq9h
  Replies (7) Good night (775) Bad night (1092)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend

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  (250): We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend http://tfl.nu/c0is
  Replies (4) Good night (754) Bad night (364)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk

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  (780): It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk http://tfl.nu/34yj
  Replies (8) Good night (910) Bad night (420)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.

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  (402): Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that. http://tfl.nu/hrua
  Replies (2) Good night (383) Bad night (630)
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  (530): View more from California

  I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.

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  (530): I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing. http://tfl.nu/7jie
  Replies (6) Good night (1095) Bad night (353)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.

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  (202): He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight. http://tfl.nu/npw7
  Replies (14) Good night (559) Bad night (813)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night

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  (306): he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night http://tfl.nu/gymz
  Replies (0) Good night (477) Bad night (317)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer

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  (267): Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer http://tfl.nu/jmew
  Replies (1) Good night (729) Bad night (306)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.

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  (315): I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint. http://tfl.nu/31gg
  Replies (4) Good night (494) Bad night (295)
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  (714): View more from California

  Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?

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  (714): Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like? http://tfl.nu/njs7
  Replies (5) Good night (270) Bad night (910)

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