i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need to calm my uterus...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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