what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What's dad's email?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.