You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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