return my video game
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
