He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
