Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I looked at my own cervix.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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