i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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