if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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