i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
