shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
