Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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