and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
