im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
