just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
