i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
