Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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