the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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