Only a mothe r could love this liver
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
