Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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