so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
