is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
