well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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