Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
