I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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