My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
