Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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