wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
