I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
