all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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