Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
